What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic Violence is defined as any abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual, that is committed against another person who is - or was - in an intimate relationship (marriage, dating, living together). If the relationship ends, but the abuse continues, it is still considered domestic violence.

The abuse is used to achieve and maintain power, control, and dominance over the other person. Abuse ranges from threats and intimidation, to punches, beatings, rape, and even murder.

Some people mistakenly believe that someone who abuses their partner is someone who can’t control their temper—this is absolutely not true. Abusers can control their behavior, and usually do...around others. Very often it is only their partner that sees their abusive behavior.

Physical abuse is perhaps the most visible form of domestic violence, but is usually preceded by various forms of emotional and verbal abuse. Physical abuse includes shoving, slapping, kicking, pinching, biting, punching, tripping, choking, spitting, and restraining (not letting the victim leave if they want to). The abuse may result in bruises, lacerations or even broken bones. At its extreme, physical abuse may even result in death. As the relationship progresses, so too does the level of violence. Thus, in the early stages of the relationship, the abuser may push or slap their partner, but eventually may actually beat their partner severely.

Since emotional and verbal abuse leave no visible wounds, some people may believe that it is not as damaging or harmful as physical abuse—this is not so. This form of abuse is the most pervasive and has the most far reaching effects, possibly leaving the victim emotionally scarred for life, and more vulnerable to other forms of abuse. After experiencing emotional and verbal abuse over time, victims may begin to believe that these negative concepts are true—or they may start to feel as if they deserve such treatment. Forms of emotional and verbal abuse include name-calling, put-downs, criticizing, shouting, embarrassing, keeping the victim from spending time with family or friends, or even threatening and intimidating the victim. Regardless of the method employed, it is intended to humiliate and degrade another person, leaving them to feel demoralized and inferior to the abuser.

Sexual abuse may include making someone perform sexual acts against their will, treating another as if they were only a sex object, withholding sex to express anger, demanding sex after a violent incident, or harassing another for objecting to certain sexual acts. Even if a couple is married, or have been dating a long time, or even if they have consented to sex in the past, consent must be obtained each time—or it is sexual assault. Since sex may be a topic that is difficult to discuss with others, the victim who has experienced this type of abuse may find themselves feeling extremely isolated and alone, unable to talk about their feelings.

Domestic violence knows no boundaries. People who are involved in abusive relationships come from all walks of life and socio-economic backgrounds.

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